Listen, can you see it? This trivial mess that lays before. The uncertain day comes like a winter storm in the middle of summer. Where peace climbs to reach the top, chaos runs the race faster. Caught in the undertow that drags me from shore, I am lost in the chaos. Unfamiliar is my new home and isolation surround's me. My chains keep me at bay and my past bullies me from moving on. With so much pain, my heart hesitates to beat. My tears fall like broken glass into an ocean of regret. Where are you? Are you there? I need rescue, and I'm caught here at a point of confusion. I’m tossed and thrown around like my very being is null and void. I cry out for a hand so I can grip, but alas it remains empty. This is the song I sing and it will be my brand every day. The darkness takes hold as I fall beneath. Sorrow abounds and the chains greet me with open arms. The clouds sing their intense songs and dreams manifest into nightmares. Fear kisses my forehead and claims me as its own. Where is the hope? Why did it desert me? Failure pulls my strings as I dance the dance of past mistakes. I’m in a constant free fall from light…no wings…no hope in sight. Goodnight my desolate marvel…
Monday, October 31, 2016
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Silence dwells above, my eyes have yet to awake. Through the very cavern in which I’m found…my soul resonates. The depths of my ill words as I cry out into the hollow morning, waiting for the stars above to play…play the songs of the universe as they traverse about. I cannot help but feel so small. For I am the dust of an infinite amount of dust. My hands grip the barren ground and the Known is there. The wind escapes around and I embellish the thought of a smile. No more strings and I feel free. Is this what true freedom feels like? Is this all it can be? Calling me whence forth like so many times, feeling the abandonment of love and friends has me by the chord. The music no longer joyous and bout, but lamenting in such I can’t help but weep. This idea I have in my head is one that looms forever. I shiver in fear for the unknown stands before me. It hides its face from me, but I know her all too well. Shame…there she is. The siren of my life…I call her shame. She waits until the opportune moment to sing…her melodies like rain after a long drought…Beautiful and I lust for it. When I hear her song, all is stripped away and I am left with nothing. She smiles and abandons me to wallow in what I have left. For I am naked and afraid. She leaves me like a small child crying out for someone to save me. The shame is all I have…the pain is all too real. I curl up in my cocoon of protection and I rock back and forth. The stars above no longer dancing and playing but shedding tears as they watch me. Helpless they sit and stare and useful they weep. I am caught in the attention of those around me, though I try and hide, I cannot…they can see everything. Their comforting words and smiles reignite the storm inside. I am picked up and held by comforting arms. His smile is all too reassuring, He wipes the tears from my eyes, His still small voice lifts my spirits…His smile is contagious and He calls me His child. He instills truth instead of the lies I had latched onto. He calls me precious creation, and I am no longer ashamed. Uniquely He made me, and priceless I am to Him. As I look I can see the entire cosmos in His eyes…I am overtaken by the Beautiful Chaos that is before. The words of my heart and the song of my soul.
Monday, October 17, 2016
I hear the silence running here and there. The Snowdrops in this Wintery Dreamland fall into solace. The unknown lurks from the shadows of playful sunlight, mischief follows in close pursuit. A lonely door stands in the middle of the wonderland of snow; trees obscuring any hope that may remain. Darkness abounds as it were predetermined by the inner depths of the universe. The stars that sit in their spots of eternity, weep for the misdeeds of the rest. Moreover, the sanctum sanctorum that we head for, it is not in any less of the word “good” but a fable introduced to lead astray the very ones it intended to devour all along. This is translucent at its most high. The time has come for a return unseen.
The door opens, the weeping sound of church organs sustained, carry on forever and flows freely on. The sun stuck in twilight as something emerges from the door. The snowdrops stop and silence takes its rightful place as He exits. Simple in his own right nothing extraordinary. He slowly closes the door and as he turns a wolf sits in front of him.
“Welcome home.” The wolf smiles.
With the tip of his cap and a smile in return, he pets the wolf and then gives a hug. To an old friend and companion, this gesture very much welcomed.
“Gone far too long, and of course winter.” The man expresses gazing out into the beauty of the winter twilight.
The peace that ensued was unlike any other, comfortable familiarity drapes around them.
“Are you ready?” The wolf asks.
The smile from the man continues as if he’s experiencing wonderment all for the first time. He closes his eyes and listens to the ambient noises and takes them in like air.
“I am. I’m here to stay for good, this time, because my story isn’t quite finished.” The man finally replies.
He looks into the wolf's eyes and sees the cosmos in all of its glory. The feeling of guilt now clouds his mind. The way he left, believing it was a happy ending…but it wasn’t the end. No story is ever complete.
A return unseen, back to where it all began in the snow and with a wolf…