Ninth Rest

Ninth Rest

              Silence dwells above, my eyes have yet to awake.  Through the very cavern in which I’m found…my soul resonates.  The depths of my ill words as I cry out into the hollow morning, waiting for the stars above to play…play the songs of the universe as they traverse about.  I cannot help but feel so small.  For I am the dust of an infinite amount of dust.  My hands grip the barren ground and the Known is there.  The wind escapes around and I embellish the thought of a smile.  No more strings and I feel free.  Is this what true freedom feels like?  Is this all it can be?  Calling me whence forth like so many times, feeling the abandonment of love and friends has me by the chord.  The music no longer joyous and bout, but lamenting in such I can’t help but weep.  This idea I have in my head is one that looms forever.  I shiver in fear for the unknown stands before me.  It hides its face from me, but I know her all too well.  Shame…there she is.  The siren of my life…I call her shame.  She waits until the opportune moment to sing…her melodies like rain after a long drought…Beautiful and I lust for it.  When I hear her song, all is stripped away and I am left with nothing.  She smiles and abandons me to wallow in what I have left.  For I am naked and afraid.  She leaves me like a small child crying out for someone to save me.  The shame is all I have…the pain is all too real.  I curl up in my cocoon of protection and I rock back and forth.  The stars above no longer dancing and playing but shedding tears as they watch me.  Helpless they sit and stare and useful they weep.  I am caught in the attention of those around me, though I try and hide, I cannot…they can see everything.  Their comforting words and smiles reignite the storm inside.  I am picked up and held by comforting arms.  His smile is all too reassuring, He wipes the tears from my eyes, His still small voice lifts my spirits…His smile is contagious and He calls me His child.  He instills truth instead of the lies I had latched onto.  He calls me precious creation, and I am no longer ashamed.  Uniquely He made me, and priceless I am to Him.  As I look I can see the entire cosmos in His eyes…I am overtaken by the Beautiful Chaos that is before.  The words of my heart and the song of my soul.